Drolls

CHEESEWRING

Little Saint Tue from Kew
Came to Cornwall to look at the view
From high on the hill
He met a giant called Bill
And his mates Brian and Phil.

'This is our land,' they said together
'Why are you here in this weather?'
'To teach Christianity to the locals,'
Said St Tue being bravely vocal,
This to Bill and Brian and Phil.

'We challenge you to a trial of strength,
Who can throw these stones a length,
The furthest wins the land of Cornwall.
We will start on the horn call
Us giants ‘ll throw first.'

Bill began with an incredible throw
with Brian and Phil in tow.
They laughed at the sight
Of the saint in a fight
With a boulder as big as a house.

Nobody quite saw what came next.
St Tue had done his best
an Angel hovered over the stone
And lifted the enormous throne
And placed it atop of the Tor.

Bill and his Mates had been bested,
Little St Tue had been tested.
The giants avowed
St Tue be allowed
To preach to the local population.

The giants moved to Newquay
And lived in an very large teepee.
While St Tue stayed in Bodmin,
With a Welsh maid called Blodwen,
And spread the word from there.

                                         Anon 2026

LOOE WIND WITCHES

In the busy fishing town of Looe,
Many boats filled the harbor so blue. 
Some had nets and some had tall sails, 
But all believed in the wise witches’ tales. 

Along the quay the witches would stand, 
The rope wind charms within their hands. 
They’d speak of how these knots could change, 
The winds far out beyond the bay. 

Three knots upon each rope were tied,
Each knot could change the wind and skies. 
These knots held magic it was believed, 
So each boat took knots out on the seas. 

Untie knot one for a soft winds sigh, 
So your boat will glide against the tide. 
To lift your sails and guide your way,
As you pass the rocks that surround the bay. 

Once out at sea if the wind drops still, 
Untie knot two and your sails will fill.
Your ship will fly across ocean waves,
And journey in hours what once took days. 

One knot is left but the witches warn,
To untie this knot will conjure storm. 
Clouds will gather and the skies turn black, 
Your boat will bend and twist and crack. 

So as each boat left the harbour wall, 
one knot untied and the sails grew tall. 
Out in the deep far from the shores,
Knot two made loose gave a steady course. 

Some feared the witches' warning words,
And left knot three tight and undisturbed.
Others were overcome by greed 
Now they and their crew and lost to the sea.
 

                                                 Iona Windmill 2026

THE TRENOWETH PIG
The old white witch Madge to the market she came
To buy Piggywhidden and keep her, the aim.
But Tom the magician would soon spoil her game.
His thoughts were entirely of dinner.

His cash to the seller he secretly shows
He’s whisked Piggywhidden from under her nose.
Homeward Old Madge in a cold fury goes.
And Piggy is locked in the crowji.

At dawn Piggywhidden is feasting elsewhere
And everyone’s gardens are trashed and laid bare.
His neighbours want Tom to repay and repair.
Old Madge, quiet at home, is just knitting.

With Piggy in chains, Tom thinks he’s the winner.
The sow is force-fed breakfast, supper and dinner.
But yet the poor pig just grows thinner and thinner.
And Tom tears his hair quite despairing.

“Now Tom,” says Old Madge, “Do you think you’d be willing
“To let me have Piggy for, let’s say, two shilling?”
Says Tom “You— Off, I’m still planning a killing”.
And pours yet more swill in the bucket.

Tom knows he’s defeated, but won’t change his stance.
So, leading the sow, he sets off for Penzance,
To sell her to anyone if there’s a chance,
As long as it isn't our Madgey.

Once out on the moor, the pig breathes fresh air,
And runs like a greyhound after the hare.
Tom’s dragged like a sack o’ lard, battered and bare.
Until she arrives at the river.

She bolts for the bridge, and wedges tight under.
Tom pushes and pulls, with a face black as thunder.
All day she’s stuck fast. And then - what a wonder!
Along comes our Madge with her knitting.

“Now Tom,” says our Madge ,”Do you think you’d be willing”
“To give me the sow for this loaf and one shilling?”
“You look very hungry. It’s really quite filling!”
“Take her, be damned!” says our Thomas.

Madge sets off back home with a toss of her hair.
The pig trots behind with her snout in the air.
Tom watches them go with a sorrowful stare,
Bewildered and not a lot wiser.

The White Sow of Plenty responds if you’re kind.
But if exploitation is first in your mind
Destruction and Violence will follow behind
So always take care what you wish for.

                                                 Barbara Griggs October 2026